No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
