I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
