your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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