im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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