Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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