Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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