so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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