really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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