So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
