The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
