I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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