That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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