Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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