I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
MIDGETS
????
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
