Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize