he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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