You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
