dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
