you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
