Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
