wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
