I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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