Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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