So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
