why didn't you poke me back
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
