Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
