If that was your dad, he is hot
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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