she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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