He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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