i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
