is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
