I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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