Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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