and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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