operation harelip BJ is a go
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
