I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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