Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
