I think im going to throw up on grandma
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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