DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
