Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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