I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
