I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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