my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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