I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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