we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i drank out of a bidet.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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