Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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