is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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