Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
