So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
two words...techno handjob
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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