Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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