Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize