I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
