you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Randomize
