i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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