I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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