dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
