i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
