Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
