Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
