Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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