Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
