Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
