no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
