He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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