Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
don't judge my taste in strippers
Randomize
