somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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