she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
