My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
