Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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